Funniest thing

This month’s winner is BRAD BOYLE of Neotsu, Oregon:

My friend visited while I was living in Taiwan. He wanted a pizza, and a restaurant nearby would deliver. He did not speak Mandarin, so my roommate ordered for him.

Soon there was a knock at the door. My friend answered it. The delivery man handed him a bill, which my friend paid. The man turned and disappeared down the stairs.

My friend yelled after him, “Where’s my pizza?!”

I thanked him for paying the gas bill.

 

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This month’s winner is DENNIS CLINE of Ingleside, Illinois:

Many years ago, soon after my wife and I were married, we set forth on our first trip outside the US. We went to Acapulco, Mexico, and on our first night there, we chose an “official-looking” cantina for some authentic local cuisine.

When our waiter came, I ordered a couple of beers for my wife and myself. Wishing to impress my new bride with my command of the local language, I requested, “Dos cabezos.”

The waiter looked startled, appearing confused by my order, so, using my hand,...

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This month’s winner is LOREN PARKS of Chico, California:

My wife and I arrived at the Napo Wildlife Center on New Year’s Eve 2018. This lodge in the Ecuadorian Amazon jungle is so remote that the only access for people and supplies is paddle canoe.

Upon arrival, we were informed of a big party with a special banquet that evening, so with great anticipation we entered the dining area and took our seats along with about 60 other guests. The setting was spectacular, and the buffet tables were set up with a variety of exotic foods, including a whole roasted pig with...

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This month’s winner is NIEL THOMAS of Kamuela, Hawaii:

In Florence, Italy, in 2015, drawn repeatedly to Mercato Centrale, I had a question for the cheese merchant. I particularly like aged hard cheeses with crystallization, and I was deciding between a sheep-milk cheese of this type and a goat cheese.

“Please,” I asked in English, not willing to attempt it in my inadequate Italian, “can you tell me how these cheeses differ?”

Giving me the ‘dumb American tourist’ roll of the eyes, she feigned patience: “Well, sir, one is a...

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This month’s winner is ED DEATON of San Diego, California:

First, an explanation — “Brown Swiss” is a breed of milk cow.

In 1998, my friend Melanie and I were climbing and hiking in the Mont Blanc area of France, close to where France, Italy and Switzerland come together.

One day, we were descending from a hut across a wide, treeless area overlooking a large valley to beautiful meadows on the other side. There was a herd of cattle grazing on the grass, and I said, “Those are Brown Swiss cattle.”

Melanie said, “How can...

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This month’s winner is JAY SNYDER of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania:

Some years ago in Seoul, South Korea, my wife and I bought way too many souvenirs and needed to buy an extra suitcase to hold all our treasures on our trip home.

Finding a luggage dealer in the famous Itaewon market district, we selected the perfect suitcase and, after suitable bargaining, settled on a price.

When I asked the vendor what brand of luggage it was, he opened a drawer full of labels and replied, “What brand would you like?”

 

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This month’s winner is GLADYS SHELDON of Oconomowoc, Wisconsin:

One of the most enjoyable trips I have taken recently was a tour with Road Scholar to the Lake District of England, in June 2018. A large part of my enjoyment was due to the presence of Anne, our driver/guide, who took our group all over the district in a small van.

Anne said that when she’s not on the job, she does a lot of hiking in the hills of the district. In fact, she mentioned that on a previous trip, she told the van occupants that she’d been bitten by Scottish midges on a recent hike....

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This month’s winner is MICHELE SMITH of Hickory Corners, Michigan:

While I was kayaking on the River Avon in England during vacation, the British kayak leader kept referring to me as “The American.”

We were about an hour into our trip down the river when he turned and yelled to me, “We’re ahead. Pass it on!”

I turned around in my kayak, facing aft, and shouted, “We’re ahead. Pass it on!,” and heard the echo refrain go down the river while watching the British tourists quickly paddle toward the shore.

When I...

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