Earning respect with a visit to the supermarket

Tell us about the funniest thing that happened to you while traveling in a foreign country. (ITN prints no info on destinations in the United States.) There are no restrictions on length. ITN staff will choose each month’s winner, who will receive a free one-year subscription to ITN. Include your full mailing address. Entries not chosen cannot be acknowledged. 

This month’s winner is NORMAN PALABY of San Francisco, CA:

My Salvadoran wife and I traveled to El Salvador to visit her family and relatives. They speak and understand only Spanish, and my knowledge of the Spanish language is minimal, left over from what I learned in high school decades ago. Wherever I went, my wife or a relative would accompany me for translation purposes. 

After a while, I wanted to prove that I was a worthy husband who was confident and independent, so I told all the tías (aunts) to take a break one morning because this proud American was going to prepare lunch for the entire family. In that culture, the woman manages the household while the man is the breadwinner; they were flabbergasted at my suggestion. My wife offered to come with me to the supermarket, but I told her, “I’ve got this.”

At the market, I was a man on a mission. After gathering all the meat and vegetables, I just needed onions, but I couldn’t find them and didn’t know how to say the word “onions” in Spanish. Reluctantly, I called my wife for help.

When I returned to the house and a kitchen full of relatives, my wife asked if I was able to get the onions. “Yes,” I answered. 

“How did you ask?”

I told her I said to the produce lady, “Escupeme, donde esta los cebollas?”

There was a split second of silence, then my loving wife and all the family burst out in uncontrollable laughter. My wife then translated. I had said to the produce lady, “Spit on me. Where are the onions?”

My stir-fried dish with onions was muy deliciosa (and I should have asked, “Disculpe, donde esta las cebollas?”).